Coffee with Kilroy - Tales of War: “Strike! Strike hard!”

Description provided by KilroyWasHere on YouTube:

"During November–December 1884, Gordon's diary showed the stressful effects of the siege, as he was in a state of mental exhaustion, a man on the brink of madness. In his final months, Gordon oscillated between a longing for martyrdom and death versus an intense horror at the prospect of his own demise as the hour of his destruction rapidly approached. Even if the relief force had reached him, it is not clear if he would have left Khartoum, as Gordon wrote in his diary: 'If any emissary or letter comes up here ordering me to come down I WILL NOT OBEY IT, BUT WILL STAY HERE, AND FALL WITH THE TOWN!' At another point, a death-obsessed Gordon wrote in his diary: 'Better a bullet to the brain than to flicker out unheeded." In a letter that reached Cairo in December, Gordon wrote: 'Farewell. You will never hear from me again. I fear that there will be treachery in the garrison, and all will be over by Christmas.' On 14 December 1884, Gordon wrote the last entry in his diary, which read: 'Now MARK THIS, if the Expeditionary Force and I ask for no more than two hundred men, does not come in ten days, the town may fall; and I have done my best for the honour of our country. Goodbye, C. G. Gordon.' A chain-smoking Gordon constantly paced the roof of his palace during the day, looking vainly for smoke on the Nile indicating that the steamers were coming, while spending much of the rest of his time in prayer. *** A particular aspect of Gordon's personality that stood out was his death wish, as everyone who knew him was convinced that he wanted to die. When a Lebanese merchant visited Gordon in the evening, the Ansar began an artillery bombardment, leading the frightened merchant to suggest that perhaps Gordon ought to dim the lights to avoid drawing enemy fire down on the palace. The merchant recalled Gordon's response: 'He called up the guard and gave the orders to shoot me if I moved' and ordered all of the lamps in the palace to be lit up as brightly as possible. Gordon defiantly told the merchant: 'Go tell all the people of Khartoum that Gordon fears nothing, for God has created him without fear!'--Wikipedia Siege of Khartoum - https://youtu.be/grRSrUcdCXY